I wake up and I immediately feel sad. I choose not to get up straight away. Dee has gone on his weekly cycle and I am alone in bed. The dogs are on my bed, so I assume that JC has risen and let them in. I curl my body around them. I need organic…
Category: AUTISM
Retribution
I run to the car and quickly start up the engine. The electric garage door is taking too long. Damn, damn, damn! I’m going to be late again! I cannot believe this. Actually, I can. When I write/blog, time runs away with me. JC is never going to forgive me for this. I scream into…
When you miss a beat -Tuesday 15 May – 32 weeks and 3 days
I wake up with a start. I immediately know that I have overslept. I curse. Bloody alarm. I set it and it didn’t go off. I know what is to come and I dread it. I jump out of bed, as much as I can jump out of bed, and run to the laundry. I…
One mother of a day – Tuesday 17 April – 28 weeks and 3 days
Today is the first day of second term. JC is up and ready by 6:15am. He wants his iPod with its promise of fan fiction and knows how to get it. “What about a shower?” I ask. “I already showered last night after my hair cut and dad said I can shower tomorrow morning again.”…
Birthdays and autism – Monday 16 April – 28 weeks and 2 days
Today is JC’s 14th birthday. He wakes up this morning at 6am to get his presents. Despite not showing much emotion, we have fun watching him open his gifts – The Simpsons movie, one of his favourites of all time, and a new gaming computer. We imagine his excitement even if we can’t see it….
Trying to juggle it all – Friday 13th April – 27 weeks and 6 days
I have woken up very tearful today. Not because of Jay, but because of JC. Yesterday, I came home and he was in his underjocks, lying in bed in his darkened bedroom, reading. He had not eaten the lunch I had put out for him. Since I was early coming home from the hospital, I…
Christmas 2011 – 12 weeks
The flurry of Christmas is soon upon us. It is at our house this year and we are having 13 people over for Christmas dinner. Dad’s time with us will soon be over and we busy ourselves shopping, buying Christmas presents for everyone. I want this Christmas to be special. It is the first in…
Breaking the news
I sit down after replacing the receiver and take a deep breath. A grandmother? Me? Now? Is this some sick joke the universe is playing on me? Have I not suffered enough in the last two years (because, yes, in this moment I do think it is all about me , dammit!)? I scan the…
Alcoholism, Autism and Death
October 2010. 10 months into the year – the year that has decidedly been the annus horribilus of my 42 years of life. This year, I discovered I was an alcoholic, my son was diagnosed with autism and my mother died. Add into the mix an 18-year old daughter who took it upon herself to…