By the time I wake up at 7am, my body knows it does not want to get out of bed. Despite a good 10 hours of sleep, it is not ready. I force it to get up. I need to get JC off to school and get on up to the hospital to see Jay….
Category: Depression
Learning to face the world again.
I’m in pain when I wake up. I have not slept well. I have joined a weight loss program which requires an inordinate amount of exercise and yesterday I did a boxing class. My body has gone into revolt. So much so I cannot even contemplate getting out of bed. It’s 8:00am on Sunday. I…
The demon.
I’m in a town I don’t recognise. In a church. I’m not sure why. My mom is there. Dressed in white. She lights a candle at the alter. I have been in the church before and realise I should have lit a candle too. Why didn’t I light a candle? Guilt washes over me. The…
When you miss a beat -Tuesday 15 May – 32 weeks and 3 days
I wake up with a start. I immediately know that I have overslept. I curse. Bloody alarm. I set it and it didn’t go off. I know what is to come and I dread it. I jump out of bed, as much as I can jump out of bed, and run to the laundry. I…
Change has to happen – Wednesday 9 May – 31 weeks and 4 days
Life is returning to some form of normality. Well, as normal a life as I am able to muster. Jay has been told that she will now more than likely reach 34 weeks or beyond, and has decided to return home. Whilst I miss the company, I am happy about this. I need space. Time…
The “normality” of life – Thursday 3 May – 30 weeks and 5 days
It is bucketing down outside. Winter has arrived in full throttle. Jay is at our house for the week and we are both lounging in the family room under blankets with a dog each curled up close to us. JC has refused to go to school, not because of the weather, but because of a…
The black dog of depression – Sunday 29 April – 30 weeks and 1 day
The dogs’ scratching on the laundry door wakes me. I do not want to wake up. I don’t have to go up to the hospital. Jay was discharged two days ago because her cervix had not dilated any further and her tightenings and contractions had calmed down. She is, as far as the doctors are…
A surprise baby shower – Sunday 22 April – 29 weeks and 1 day
I haven’t felt much like writing in the last few days. This is because I have been exhausted. The reason is two-fold. Firstly, I ran out of my anti-depressants and my thyroxin and didn’t renew the prescription for a few days. Whilst I am sure that it takes longer than a few days for the…
Birthdays and autism – Monday 16 April – 28 weeks and 2 days
Today is JC’s 14th birthday. He wakes up this morning at 6am to get his presents. Despite not showing much emotion, we have fun watching him open his gifts – The Simpsons movie, one of his favourites of all time, and a new gaming computer. We imagine his excitement even if we can’t see it….
Moving to the medihotel – Wednesday 10 April – 27 weeks and 3 days
My phone rings before I have managed to get out of bed. It is Jay. “Hi love, how are you?” “I’m okay. They said that they are going to transfer me to the medihotel today. I said that if they can transfer me there, can’t they just let me go home, but they said no…