Today is another sad day. The sun is shining, a glorious day. But my heart, my heart is a black jagged rock. Lifeless, sick. I am exhausted. I loathe the exhaustion. I loathe the process of mourning. I am motherless and I loathe that even more. When I was pregnant with my first DD, I…
Alcoholism, Autism and Death
October 2010. 10 months into the year – the year that has decidedly been the annus horribilus of my 42 years of life. This year, I discovered I was an alcoholic, my son was diagnosed with autism and my mother died. Add into the mix an 18-year old daughter who took it upon herself to…
We need more time
Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining, blue skies everywhere, birds flying in and out of the bird feeder and pond in my parents’ back garden and you could easily be fooled into thinking life is good. I went into my mom’s bedroom and lay with her for a while. We chatted about…
A hope that once was but now is lost!
Waiting for someone to die is crap! And that is what I am doing. I am here, in the UK, separated from my husband and children, waiting for my mom, who happens to be my best friend, to die. We have been told that her lung cancer is so far advanced that there is no…
What If…
Such a long time since I have written anything down and such a lot has happened. Sobriety remains strong but no longer is the focus of my life. My mother is dying of lung cancer. That changes your focus and brings a lot of things into perspective. As I pen these words, I am sitting…
Clarity, messages and facing the truth
It has been a while since I blogged. Between going to college, AA meetings and some new part time contract work, my life has not been my own. I hardly recognise my life right now. I have been sober for 57 days and my life has definitely taken on a new direction. Funnily enough, it…
Intellect and the Steps to Serenity
Life is a funny old thing, don’t you think? This week, I celebrated 30 days sobriety, although to me it felt like much longer. 1 month sounds so fledgling and, compared to the people I have met who have been sober for so many years (something I am battling to comprehend), it is indeed such…
Life on Life’s Terms
Life on life’s terms is a saying that I have learned, but am not ready yet to apply. I like to control, I realise. I don’t like to Let Go and Let God and I am definitely not very good at Easy Does It. These are sayings that I see every time I attend an…
Another day, another challenge
Today I celebrate 20 days sobriety. I use the term celebrate loosely as I am truly not in a celebratory mood. It is Friday and Friday was always settle-down-early-with-some-wine-to-kick-off-the-weekend day. I am seriously mourning that day. The day started off well enough. Woke up, not having had a good sleep, which is becoming a real…
Two weeks sobriety
Well, it has been a hectic week. I started back at college and it seems my feet haven’t touched the floor. I am at college for four days a week, one day of which is from 9am to 9pm and I am exhausted. Second year requires so much more work than I could ever have…