I’m documenting my journey. 2020 is honestly proving to be a rather challenging year and I need to make sense of it in my head. I’m lying in bed as I write this. Nearly 11am, still in my pjs with the electric blanket on. I feel the cold so much. I have so many days…
Tag: death
Do not read this if you want a post about sweetness and light
TRIGGER WARNING: POST MENTIONS SUICIDAL IDEATION. I have a mental illness. I live with mental illness. We aren’t supposed to talk about it I know. Just recently, I was told that I tend to exaggerate my fears and make things out to be much worse than they really are. Yes, yes I do. This is…
Bearing witness to death is bearing witness to life
The last two weeks have passed in a blur; acceptance into university, preparations for Master J as he enters his last ever year of high school and assisting my mother and father-in-law as they prepare for the end of her life. She isn’t dead. And it is likely that she will live a number of…
The ticking time bomb of death
“I have Barrett’s Oesophagus” I look up at Mr C. He has just walked in from being at the gastroenterologist. I am in the kitchen, preparing food. He sits down on the bar stool. “I have Barrett’s Oesophagus,” he repeats. I don’t know what that means. I look quizzically at him. “It’s where the lining…
THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT ON GRIEF
Where do I begin? How do I talk about how I am feeling, without appearing like I am going over old ground, wallowing. Who am I kidding. It’s grief. There is no time limit on grief. I normally lock my grief away. I have locked it deep into my heart in a locked cage in…
A LOVE STORY
Good morning my friend, How are you today? How was your weekend? Did you celebrate valentines day? Mr C and I don’t really celebrate valentines day per se. Largely because our anniversary is 2 days later. Today in fact. 19 years today. It seems like such a life time of memories to celebrate. We are…
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT DEATH AND DYING
Death. h? It is inevitable. It comes to us all. But we don’t like to think about that. Why? Are we afraid? Afraid to tempt fate, to court the grim ripper for fear he may choose to come too early. Before we have had chance to live the life we want, the life we struggle…
The sound of a voice
When my mom was dying with lung cancer, my sister and I travelled up to Birmingham in the UK, where my mother had grown up. Without consciously realising it, we found ourselves outside my grandmother’s old house, my mother’s childhood home. I did not know my grandmother that well but my mom would regale stories…
How death defined me
To those of you who subscribe by email, apologies. You are getting two emails today. It’s a necessity. I just can’t keep this inside. I am not a serial follower of blogs. Blogs are, for me, a source of information. That thousands, nay millions, of people blog is fortuitous for an insatiably curious mind like…
Robin Williams has died and the world has gone mad
I’m meant to be studying. As I try to focus on my readings about how language determines thought processes, how most things are a construct, that before the late 1800s there was no categories of a person being either heterosexual or homosexual, it was just deemed that as a person you had the propensity…