So how is it out there in the universe? Do you sense us, or are you now part of some superhighway of joy and light with no memory of us? We remember you mom, every single day. I am almost dreaming of you now. You are still only a shadow in my dreams, and I still long to hear your voice, but I think my inner being is beginning to let the reality set in.
So, what has been happening in the life of the physical me? Well, quite a lot actually, although to the outsider it won’t seem like it. Jess is still on bedrest. She is now nearly 26 weeks gone, so the baby now has even more chance of surviving. She is very “mammievas” and doesn’t like me doing anything else but sit with her to watch TV, or keep her company whilst she surfs the net. I know this might seem a bit indulgent of Jess, but I know that she is frightened, and bored and I am happy to oblige. It means the housework isn’t getting done and I am somewhat bored myself, but I feel it is a fair sacrifice to make.
Because of this inactivity, I have been given the opportunity to evaluate things that have gone on in my life. I am tired, Mom, of being so angry. I have spent the past 4 years being a very angry, bitter person and it just isn’t who I am. I truly am about being kind and believing that in each person is some good. We are, after all, damaged goods, and each of us responds to that damage in different ways. But essentially, I do believe that the essence of us is all connected in some way.
I have decided I am going to start a website called The Kindness Project. In the end I think we all want a world where people only treat each other with kindness and love. I have toyed with this idea for so long, but have put off doing it because I have felt that because of the path my life took, I don’t have the right to start such a site. But I am learning, that each of us bring to the table something that matters, something that is valuable and that is meaningful. We are all searching to connect with each other and find our sense of self. I hope that starting such a site will just reach out to people, that is all. For a while I got caught up in trying to monetise my site, because as you know working is a bit difficult for me for a number of different reasons, so I was really trying to find ways to get my site to earn me money, but that is not really the aim I am hoping for. I just want to reach out, to feel connected and hopefully inspire people to make small kindness changes in their life.
What do you think mom? Do you think I can do it? Sustainability and persistence is not my strong point, you know that. I am worried about starting this project, having no idea of what I am doing, and then just giving up. How do I overcome that – yes, I know, one day at a time. I love the idea of it so much and I have been drawn to sites that offer the same message (which has kind of scared me because, Mom, they are SO good!). The world has to become a kinder place, don’t you think? We cannot go on like we are. The world is at war, each country is at war with itself and it seems that people are just at war with each other in various ways. I don’t understand it really. If we could just show kindness and compassion. That is all it would take.
So, there you have it mom. The Kindness Project is about to be born. Well, not really. I have signed up the name, but that is all. I now have to think about the message I want to portray, how to deliver that message and how I am going to set it all up. I just hope it all turns out okay.
I wish you were here in the flesh, Mom, to thrash out the ideas with me, but I am also okay with what we are doing now – me talking to you and you receiving that message in the energy ether.
Lots of love and light to you mom, thanks for listening.
Love Sarah x