I wake up early and make my way to the hospital. Dee’s dad agrees to give JC his lunch and Dee agrees to get home as early as he can so JC is not on his own for too long.
I am feeling very stressed at having to leave JC for extended periods of time, but I am also petrified that if I am not with Jay, I may miss the birth and it is so important for me to be there – probably mostly for me, but I am telling myself for Jay too.
Jay is still in the birthing suite, but they have told her that they are sending her back to the PN ward. Em is still snoozing on the floor. He looks freezing under the very thin blanket they have given him. Jay is looking in a lot less pain but is worn from the anxiety of the “yes, you’re in labour, no you’re not” too-ing and fro-ing of the last few days. So many people have prodded and pushed her. She looks totally fed up.
“You are coping so well with this, Jay, you know that.”
“I just feel like no-one knows what is going on. I keep worrying all the time.”
I understand. It is frustrating me, so I cannot imagine what it must be like for her.
Eventually, Jay gets transferred back to the same ward she was on before. No longer in the private room – damn! “We can’t have you in the private room, we need to keep an eye on you.” We reminisce over the wondrous, cavernous private room.
Em says that he needs to do a couple of things. He leaves and I stay with Jay. Tee and Emma arrive as well. The four of us have a good chat and laugh and Jay appears to be feeling more relaxed. Her tightenings seem to be easing off – still there, but not as intense. We dare to dream that she might make it to 27 weeks and maybe even 28 weeks. Come on Baby C, you can do it.
We talk girly talk – boobs and guys, you know what I mean. Jay has always been private and is a bit embarrassed by this. After Tee and Emma leave she admits she wouldn’t normally have spoken about the increasing size of her boobs to Tee. She is Em’s mom after all. I laugh, “This is how woman bond, Jay. We speak about embarrassing things to each other and then we laugh about them.”
“It was kind of funny, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, yes it was.”
We bond more and more every day and I am so grateful that I decided to take this year off. Who knew that I would be taking this journey with my beautiful daughter, but boy, am I glad that I am able to do it.
I leave the hospital feeling like the universe is working well. Baby C has made it through another day and my baby girl is growing up. She is handling the pain, the chaos and the lack of certainty so bloody well. I am one proud mamma bear.