When I became sober, one of the things I learned at AA was an acronym called HALT. It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. These are the things that can be the death knoll for the recovering alcoholic. Those things that put our sobriety at risk.
I have learned that the same applies to depression.
I haven’t been sleeping well. Mr C had his spinal operation and there are other things going on in the background, and I have been feeling very out of sorts and this has had the knock on effect of me not being able to get to sleep, and then, once finally asleep, remaining asleep.
After three or four nights like this, I have woken up this morning extremely tearful. Poor Mr C thinks it is him. I feel guilty that I am not being the strong one, taking proper care of him. Depression is like that, it robs you of the ability to look after yourself, never mind someone else.
I have been ploughing through though, doing what I can, but come the night time, when my body desperately needs to wind down, I find my mind goes into overdrive. It has been almost 2am before I can get myself off to sleep.
I have been trying to meditate, but it isn’t working.
I am exhausted.
I had plans to keep going with the decluttering, to do something creative, to create some purpose.
I have had to let them go.
I have to rest. There is nothing for it other than to rest.
There are times when you just have to listen to your body and take care of it.
The dishes can wait, the housework can wait, everything will just have to wait.
My body needs time to recuperate. It needs me to take care of it, so that it can find energy which will feed my mental state of being.
I need to let the tears flow. I know what it causing them, so that helps.
I need to just be. Just for today {another AA saying}. Just for today I will give in to my exhaustion, and let myself rest. Just for today I will take care of myself.
By investing in myself today, tomorrow hopefully will be better.
Remember if you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired it can have a terribly adverse affect on your mental state of being. Remember to take care of yourself. You are so worth the investment.
Much love,