I have never been one for self improvement of the body.
Now self improvement of the mind, that I could sink my teeth into.
But body improvement? Not for me.
Of course, this stance was just a guise for “I can’t be arsed to move my body”. And this attitude led to me becoming extremely overweight, which meant I didn’t want to buy new clothes because clothes in the plus size range are ridiculously unfashionable (in my opinion), which meant I didn’t feel stylish (what is that anyway?), which meant, without even being aware of it, my confidence plummeted.
Frankly, I am hating on Twiggy right now.
That cow completely ruined things for us curvy people. Okay, I know she isn’t a cow and I do know that it was a man who photographed her and decided her stick thin androgynous shape would be the next big thing.
Her fame and look was the kiss of death for us voluptuous maidens.
And we have been paying the price ever since.
I shunned this. I miserably held on to my lard in protest of the commercial media hype of what the perfect size -2 woman should be.
But that was the point, I was miserable.
I have written about this before of course.
But over the last couple of weeks, despite previous health scares and other things, I plummeted to a new low.
Losing weight is no longer about alluding to an image that I have in my head of what I should look like driven by the ridiculous ever-changing picture that the media tells us. No, losing weight is now about me feeling in control of my life, about me being able to dress with confidence, about me being able to put my best foot forward with my head held high, about me having enough confidence to leave the house and attend events that I currently avoid like the plague, about me not being exhausted when I go out for a small walk, about me gaining energy, about me feeling like I am living my best life!
It’s really lonely being obese. And often that loneliness is self-imposed. At least for me it is. I choose to lounge around in my jeans or tracksuit bottoms, t-shirt and jumper. I choose to not wear make up. I choose to not put my best foot forward each and every day.
But that is about to change.
It is funny how things work, how things come together that suddenly make you question your own point of view.
The first thing that happened was that I met Michelle from That Summer Feeling. She is what you would call a regular person, down to earth, generous, kind, wicked sense of humour and as stylish as anything. She follows stylish people and her love of fashion is infectious. She is my age, with a similar lifestyle to mine. Looking at her and how much confidence dressing well gives her has made me question why I hold onto my fashion misery so steadfastly.
If I was to analyse it, I would say that it is because my own upbringing was very poor. We were unable to afford new clothes and so I stopped looking long ago. I never did look at myself and think “What can I wear to enhance my best features today.” I just threw on whatever I had to hand.
The second thing is that I read Michelle’s post on how Nikki Parkinson from Styling You really helped her to solidify her style and that ever since that styling session Michelle has dressed with confidence which has had an amazing knock on effect on her life. Never before had I put how we dress and our inner confidence together. I know, it seems incredible, but it is true.
Then, a few days later, I got a copy of Nikki’s new book Unlock Your Style, gifted to me by the beautiful Michelle, wanting to pass on the gift that she had been given all those years ago.
To be honest, I let the book sit for a while. I didn’t want to be reminded of how unstylish I was. I imagined a book full of beautiful women all looking stylishly stunning. One thing us depressive obese people don’t want to look at are images of a life or look that could have been. But, one day recently, I was at home, feeling a bit lardy, looking at my lardy enhancing track bottoms and the book just called me to it. I flipped through the pages and realised just how practical it was. It wasn’t preachy at all and frankly, it embraced me as a woman at this moment in time. Nikki encouraged me not to berate myself for the choices I made, but to look forward, to know that I can change all that was to create myself a-new.
It also happens that I had bought a book last year called Staging Your Comeback by Christopher Hopkins who is known at The Makeover Guy. I had seen a couple of his youtube videos and felt inspired to buy his book. He does for makeovers, what Nikki does for style. I am onto a winning combination here, I can tell you.
But, this reinvention, for me, all hinges on me losing weight. I have said it before and I will say it again, I need to do this for my physical and mental health. I need to do this to enable me to live my best life. My original plan still stands (Eating well, exercising, a good sleeping plan, meditation, doing work that is fulfilling). I just need to put that now into ACTION. Because without action there can be no satisfaction, right?
What are you doing to take care of your physical and mental health. I would love to know.
Until next time,
0 thoughts on “Operation Sarah is a go”
Hi Sarah. I’m so glad that my gift of Nikki’s book to you has inspired you to want to feel good about yourself. I think you’re gorgeous as is, but I do remember the little voice who told me I was not ‘thin enough, good enough, well dressed enough’ to get out and enjoy life. I know many of us have that little voice, the funny thing is, the more you rebel against that voice, the quieter it gets. I’ll be there to help and support you through this reinvention and cheer you on. Love you babe.
I am enjoying the book so much Michelle. I just need to do this now. I love you too xx
Thanks so much Michelle for giving Sarah a copy of my book xx
Nikki I wish I could give everyone I know a copy. It’s a game changer for sure.
I am currently failing at my makeover bid. I ate two big chunks of salami without even noticing them go in. Then I thought: I just need something… what do I need? Always looking for that next mouthful and then not even mindful of the deliciousness until it is too late and it has gone. It’s ridiculous. I am constantly compensating myself for all the crapola in my life, which just brings me more crapola in my life. I am about to go on pulse steroids and I’ve been told I will gain more weight… so I have decided there is no point in trying to lose it first. Isn’t that ridiculous? I am ridiculous. Too big for my own good, too stuck in my thought patterns to change it. Too unhappy to take control. I must like being here, huh?
I am so chuffed that you have found your inspo! I’ve heard such good things about that Nikki from Styling You. All the Pipsters seem deeply impressed with her. I wish you liberation from the quicksand of the trackie bottom. From the frustrations of weight. I am back where you were, hoping that I will get inspired by your next move and try again.
Inspire me Sarah!
Ah Rachel. Methinks you are way too hard on yourself. You have an enormous amount to contend with each and every single day. Weight loss on top of that must be so hard. I struggle with it with no chronic illness! I hear you with the mindless eating. As I type this a chocolate muffin slid its way into my stomach without me even realising it. The Buddhists have a lovely mindful eating practice that is a form of meditation where they concentrate on each and every morsel. I love the idea of that instead of shoving something down my gullet without even thinking of it. My quest starts tomorrow. Before I have even started I am nervous, all too familiar with my own excuses and inaction. I will, however, do my best to inspire.
I have been unhappy about my weight too Sarah. My summer clothes are frighteningly tight and uncomfortable and have had no real energy and bounce. And on Friday, somehow I booked a holiday to Hawaii in February? This has given me a great goal to get fit, healthy and lose some kgs. So as of yesterday November 1, I’ve started a really healthy eating plan. Day 2 so far so good. I actually feel better right now. May be it’s mind over matter. My fridge is stocked with healthy, whole foods so there is no excuses. I just want to keep at it! x
Hey Karen. Weightloss is sometimes so hard to achieve don’t you think? But A holiday to Hawaii?? Oh my gosh what an amazing goal and you definitely seemed to have got off to an amazing start. I am starting tomorrow, so perhaps we can spur each other on to finally find that energy and bounce that we both deserve. Good luck my friend, you deserve this xx
Sarah, I’m all about you feeling good now. I hope you can find that feeling and that it spurs you on to reach your own goals. Michelle is a beautiful woman and I’m so glad she introduced you to my book.
Hey Nikki. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and taking the time to comment. Your book is an inspiration and Michelle is a beautiful amazing woman whom I feel very blessed to have met.