I have never been one for self improvement of the body.
Now self improvement of the mind, that I could sink my teeth into.
But body improvement? Not for me.
Of course, this stance was just a guise for “I can’t be arsed to move my body”. And this attitude led to me becoming extremely overweight, which meant I didn’t want to buy new clothes because clothes in the plus size range are ridiculously unfashionable (in my opinion), which meant I didn’t feel stylish (what is that anyway?), which meant, without even being aware of it, my confidence plummeted.
Frankly, I am hating on Twiggy right now.
That cow completely ruined things for us curvy people. Okay, I know she isn’t a cow and I do know that it was a man who photographed her and decided her stick thin androgynous shape would be the next big thing.
Her fame and look was the kiss of death for us voluptuous maidens.
And we have been paying the price ever since.
I shunned this. I miserably held on to my lard in protest of the commercial media hype of what the perfect size -2 woman should be.
But that was the point, I was miserable.
I have written about this before of course.
But over the last couple of weeks, despite previous health scares and other things, I plummeted to a new low.
Losing weight is no longer about alluding to an image that I have in my head of what I should look like driven by the ridiculous ever-changing picture that the media tells us. No, losing weight is now about me feeling in control of my life, about me being able to dress with confidence, about me being able to put my best foot forward with my head held high, about me having enough confidence to leave the house and attend events that I currently avoid like the plague, about me not being exhausted when I go out for a small walk, about me gaining energy, about me feeling like I am living my best life!
It’s really lonely being obese. And often that loneliness is self-imposed. At least for me it is. I choose to lounge around in my jeans or tracksuit bottoms, t-shirt and jumper. I choose to not wear make up. I choose to not put my best foot forward each and every day.
But that is about to change.
It is funny how things work, how things come together that suddenly make you question your own point of view.
The first thing that happened was that I met Michelle from That Summer Feeling. She is what you would call a regular person, down to earth, generous, kind, wicked sense of humour and as stylish as anything. She follows stylish people and her love of fashion is infectious. She is my age, with a similar lifestyle to mine. Looking at her and how much confidence dressing well gives her has made me question why I hold onto my fashion misery so steadfastly.
If I was to analyse it, I would say that it is because my own upbringing was very poor. We were unable to afford new clothes and so I stopped looking long ago. I never did look at myself and think “What can I wear to enhance my best features today.” I just threw on whatever I had to hand.
The second thing is that I read Michelle’s post on how Nikki Parkinson from Styling You really helped her to solidify her style and that ever since that styling session Michelle has dressed with confidence which has had an amazing knock on effect on her life. Never before had I put how we dress and our inner confidence together. I know, it seems incredible, but it is true.
Then, a few days later, I got a copy of Nikki’s new book Unlock Your Style, gifted to me by the beautiful Michelle, wanting to pass on the gift that she had been given all those years ago.
To be honest, I let the book sit for a while. I didn’t want to be reminded of how unstylish I was. I imagined a book full of beautiful women all looking stylishly stunning. One thing us depressive obese people don’t want to look at are images of a life or look that could have been. But, one day recently, I was at home, feeling a bit lardy, looking at my lardy enhancing track bottoms and the book just called me to it. I flipped through the pages and realised just how practical it was. It wasn’t preachy at all and frankly, it embraced me as a woman at this moment in time. Nikki encouraged me not to berate myself for the choices I made, but to look forward, to know that I can change all that was to create myself a-new.
It also happens that I had bought a book last year called Staging Your Comeback by Christopher Hopkins who is known at The Makeover Guy. I had seen a couple of his youtube videos and felt inspired to buy his book. He does for makeovers, what Nikki does for style. I am onto a winning combination here, I can tell you.
But, this reinvention, for me, all hinges on me losing weight. I have said it before and I will say it again, I need to do this for my physical and mental health. I need to do this to enable me to live my best life. My original plan still stands (Eating well, exercising, a good sleeping plan, meditation, doing work that is fulfilling). I just need to put that now into ACTION. Because without action there can be no satisfaction, right?
What are you doing to take care of your physical and mental health. I would love to know.
Until next time,