I wake up with a familiar gnawing in my gut. I feel sick. Sleep eluded me last night, nightmares filling my brain with terror. I feel the swell of my ever increasing abdomen on the bed. Middle age has not been kind to my body. Dave used to spoon me in bed and bend his…
Author: Sarah
Life is short
I’m documenting my journey. 2020 is honestly proving to be a rather challenging year and I need to make sense of it in my head. I’m lying in bed as I write this. Nearly 11am, still in my pjs with the electric blanket on. I feel the cold so much. I have so many days…
You’re autistic : May the fourth be with you
Driving in the car, I feel a hand take mine and squeeze. I am anxious and he can see it. “How are you feeling?” He knows the answer but it’s something to break the silence. “I feel sick.” He nods. “I feel sick because I’m terrified it won’t be what I want to hear.” He…
The Contract
“You’re not actually going to paint that?” “That’s exactly what I am going to do.” “It’s sacrilegious. It’s covering up beautiful timber.” There was nothing beautiful about this piece. The coffee table just sat there – worn, weather beaten from being outside for too long – as we discussed its merits. It was a dirty…
Chameleon
Ah, Mr Society, you are here. Uninvited as usual, but here, nevertheless. Have you made up your mind yet? No? Still deciding are we? I grow wearisome of this game we play. You, the master, me, the dutiful… what exactly? Still don’t know? One minute you want one thing, the next another. The perpetual pendulum….
Worm
Hello little Worm. It’s been a while. I see you burying deep in the synapses of my brain. Thoughts on a loop. I can feel the darkness setting in. The pain, the hopelessness, the fear. Mostly the fear. I wonder how it would be if we had felt loved. Some shred of warmth. Would you…
Poem: Family
Family;sometimes blood, sometimes notalways there no matter what.Different landscapes in designit doesn’t matter, that’s just fine.It’s where you hang your soul to say”Come with me, let’s hit this day!”Your tribe, your vibe, your merry throngIt’s in your heart, your Family song.You love, you cry, you laugh, you fight,Family grabs you with all its might.And when…
Recovery is a dish best served cold.
{I wrote this post a few weeks ago. I’ve been immersed in my recovery and have not wanted to share this yet. I’m ready now. A few posts regarding my recovery – from alcoholism, addiction and depression – will be following shortly. What is important is that there is light at the end of the tunnel….
How much are you worth?
How much is one person worth? Such a loaded question. A person is worth a lot, an awful lot. Each of us is worth everything to someone. But I am not sure putting a monetary price on our worth, as is the current trend to justify charging exorbitant fees for a service, is really doing…
Learnings
I am returned. A new woman, a changed woman, a stronger woman. I am returned a woman more aware of her essence. I am a returned woman full of awareness, and rawness, and understanding of the lifelong work I have before me. I don’t quite yet know how to find the words that adequately describe…