When I was 13 years old, living in South Africa, I had to do an art exam. The theme was to create a poster for a veld (pronounced “felt”) fire, commonly known in Australia as a bush fire. I sat at my easel frozen. My classmates stood around me, furiously slopping paint onto the page,…
Tag: depression
THE INSANITY OF SUICIDE
WARNING: THIS POST TALKS ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE WITH SUICIDE. IF YOU ARE SUICIDAL IN ANY WAY, PLEASE PLEASE DIAL LIFELINE ON 13 11 14 (AUSTRALIA), OR THE NUMBER IN YOUR COUNTRY When I was 15, I tried to commit suicide. I can tell you I did not agonise over this decision for days….
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
Hello! Yep, today is my birthday. 47 years. Bloody hell, only three years until the big one. Where does the time go people? I’ve had a good start to the day – tea in bed, a couple of lovely gifts, a breakfast with a friend, bought some craft stuff, my cleaner came to clean the…
DEAR FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND OF THE DEPRESSED PERSON
Dear family member or friend of the depressed person, I am writing to you today because I want to thank you, acknowledge you and embrace you. It is hard to be there for us depressives who constantly see no joy in the world; who do not see the value in ourselves – the value that…
ON MY PROCESS OF WRITING
The room smelled stale. The sheets were not clean. The pink floral wall paper and king size bed did nothing to soothe him. His muscles twitched with agitation. He looked down at her, he smiled. Her big blue eyes stared up at him and she smiled too. He loved them like this. Willing to hand…
DEPRESSION AND HOPE (or rather the lack of it)
It is with some trepidation that I write about my long term relationship with depression. Recently, I have been drawn to people who talk of happiness as a matter of attitude. People who have had their fair share of struggle, but have looked that struggle square in the face and said “Fuck you!” Their souls,…
ARE YOU FEEDING THE WOLF OF DEPRESSION?
My word for this year is HEALTH. Whilst I intended this primarily to mean physical health, due to the fact that I had an awful physical time of it last year, I realise that health means good mental wellbeing too. I have clinical depression. I try to ignore it, but like most things detrimental to…
HAPPY NEW YEAR DEAR DIARY {Weightloss chronicles #2}
Happy New Year Dear Diary, 2015 and another year of promise. You know how ill I have been this past year. And you know that illness has gone so much deeper than skin deep. And you also know that I have been avoiding the inevitable, the obvious, the thing I must confront before I can…
A love note to myself {and I encourage you to do the same}
Below is a love letter to myself. It is Day 12 of the #reverb14 and this was the task for today. I found it incredibly difficult to write. It felt narcissistic and wrong. And yet, by doing so I was able to acknowledge the value of myself as a person. As a person with depression…
Out with black and white, in with shades of grey
The world is not black and white. It is in fact full of shades of grey, with a good heap of colour, definitely not black and white. Yet, as humans, we are committed to this notion that life has to be exactly that – black and white, right or wrong, yes or no. It is…