Before you read this first entry in Letters to Little Sarah, I wanted to give some context of how this came about. In May 2020, I was diagnosed with Autism. I was 52. A diagnosis of ADHD followed a year later. Whilst I thought discovering I was neurodivergent would immediately make me feel better, it…
Tag: Mental illness
The self we cannot see
How did I get here? To this place, where I have no place? I look to the right of me and I see a ghost. A ghost of a person who has walked beside me my whole life – a child really. A ghost of a little girl who has been waiting for me, but…
Recovery is a dish best served cold.
{I wrote this post a few weeks ago. I’ve been immersed in my recovery and have not wanted to share this yet. I’m ready now. A few posts regarding my recovery – from alcoholism, addiction and depression – will be following shortly. What is important is that there is light at the end of the tunnel….
Goodbye and hello – a journey to the light
“I feel like such a failure”. I’m sitting opposite my friend. We are having coffee. She wanted to see me before I go away. I haven’t told a lot of people about me going away, even though it is here on my blog. Telling the wider world doesn’t feel as personal somehow, though a few…
The family gathering
I pick up the phone and make the call. “Hey Pumpkin, it’s mom. Dad and I have something we would like to tell you. Can you come over at 8:30, just on your own.” Miss J and R have a friend over to stay but this isn’t something I want to tell them. For now,…
The phone call that starts a journey to recovery
I look at the phone. I pick it up. I put it down. I pace. I pick it up again. “Sarah, you need to make the call.” Mr C had said. Tears trickled down my cheeks. “I’m not that bad,” I plead, “I don’t need this. I can manage, I am FINE!” When I grew…
Letting go, breathing deep
I wake up feeling groggy. Mr C’s alarm goes off. A new day, a new year, and work begins again. I have not slept well. I have not been sleeping well for the longest time. Late to sleep, early to rise. Not enough sleep. By a long margin. I am fatigued, groggy, unproductive. I grab…
Writing every day for mental wellness
Today is the start of a brand new year. I’ve woken up feeling exceedingly uncomfortable, but in a (sort of) good way. Last night we went to Clover Cottage with some friends for New Years’ Eve. Clover Cottage is a restaurant in Berwick. Or rather they were a restaurant. Apparently, they have been there for forty…
Do not read this if you want a post about sweetness and light
TRIGGER WARNING: POST MENTIONS SUICIDAL IDEATION. I have a mental illness. I live with mental illness. We aren’t supposed to talk about it I know. Just recently, I was told that I tend to exaggerate my fears and make things out to be much worse than they really are. Yes, yes I do. This is…
A journey of healing
I wake up to the burning sensation in my stomach. I clutch it, curling into a ball. 2am. I close my eyes, willing myself to breathe in, breathe out. Please, brain, don’t go into overdrive tonight. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. I feel the rise and fall of my burning abdomen. What…