I’ve been going through a thing. And it has been so hard to talk about, to compartmentalise, to rationalise, indeed to live. The thing itself has been harrowing enough, but it is the soul reaching thoughts and feelings that have left me reeling. Mr C and I were watching TV the other night; sometimes I…
Tag: Mental illness
Thoughtfulness Cards – acknowledging depression and suicide
I’m depressed. There’s no coating it, there’s no glossing over it, and there is absolutely no point in pretending that I’m not having an episode of deep depression. There is an argument floating around that writing about dark stuff on a personal level reduces readers, that people don’t want to read about the horrors of…
The day I chose sobriety
I sat crying in the passenger seat of my car. I was shaking uncontrollably. Outside, the sun beat down, stifling each breath I took. How did I get to this point? Mr C gently took my hand. “If you aren’t ready, we don’t have to do this today.” I shook my head. No, if I…
The chrysalis of life
I’m undergoing a change. It’s been an awfully long time coming. Slow, like a snail, gliding, unfurling and expanding inside my brain. It feels like I have been in a chrysalis for so long now. As I break my way to the surface, I find myself unsteady, wobbly even, with my new emerging wings. It…
THIS IS WHAT IS AT THE HEART OF DEPRESSION
I climbed into bed. I knew they were coming. I could feel it long before they actually fell. I rolled over, placed my head on Mr C’s chest and let them fall. “Are you okay?” he asked. I didn’t answer. He knew. “Oh Sarah, my love.” His soft voice only served to act like…
WHAT WOULD BUDDHA DO?
It’s 3:30am. I’ve been awake since 2:30am. It’s pouring with rain outside and it’s freezing. Whenever it rains at night, especially that hard driving miserable rain, I think of the homeless. I lay in bed, snuggled under my duvet and blanket and I imagine how awful it must be for them trying to stave off…
THIS IS ME
This post has been inspired by Leonie Dawson whose about page says “What is a Leonie?” I love it. Thank you Leonie. It is also inspired by the countless people in this world who are made to feel “less than” simply because they don’t fit some ridiculous non-existent mould. This is for those people in…
HOW ART CAN HEAL THE SOUL
When I was 13 years old, living in South Africa, I had to do an art exam. The theme was to create a poster for a veld (pronounced “felt”) fire, commonly known in Australia as a bush fire. I sat at my easel frozen. My classmates stood around me, furiously slopping paint onto the page,…
HOW TO HELP THE DEPRESSED PERSON
I had a mental breakdown last week. It’s been a long time coming. For too long, I have been ignoring the fact that I just wasn’t dealing with the grief surrounding the death of my mom five years ago. Five months before her death I had become sober. I forced myself to pretend I was…
THE INSANITY OF SUICIDE
WARNING: THIS POST TALKS ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE WITH SUICIDE. IF YOU ARE SUICIDAL IN ANY WAY, PLEASE PLEASE DIAL LIFELINE ON 13 11 14 (AUSTRALIA), OR THE NUMBER IN YOUR COUNTRY When I was 15, I tried to commit suicide. I can tell you I did not agonise over this decision for days….