I’m undergoing a change. It’s been an awfully long time coming. Slow, like a snail, gliding, unfurling and expanding inside my brain. It feels like I have been in a chrysalis for so long now. As I break my way to the surface, I find myself unsteady, wobbly even, with my new emerging wings. It…
Category: MENTAL ILLNESS
THIS IS WHAT IS AT THE HEART OF DEPRESSION
I climbed into bed. I knew they were coming. I could feel it long before they actually fell. I rolled over, placed my head on Mr C’s chest and let them fall. “Are you okay?” he asked. I didn’t answer. He knew. “Oh Sarah, my love.” His soft voice only served to act like…
WHAT WOULD BUDDHA DO?
It’s 3:30am. I’ve been awake since 2:30am. It’s pouring with rain outside and it’s freezing. Whenever it rains at night, especially that hard driving miserable rain, I think of the homeless. I lay in bed, snuggled under my duvet and blanket and I imagine how awful it must be for them trying to stave off…
HONOURING GRIEF IS THERAPEUTIC + HEALING
A couple of days ago I mourned the passing of my mom. It was the anniversary of her death and each year around this time I feel anguished. I so desperately wanted this year to be different. I needed for it to be different. And it was. The pain was still there, but I did…
THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT ON GRIEF
Where do I begin? How do I talk about how I am feeling, without appearing like I am going over old ground, wallowing. Who am I kidding. It’s grief. There is no time limit on grief. I normally lock my grief away. I have locked it deep into my heart in a locked cage in…
WHY I REALLY DON’T LIKE THE WORD ‘TRIBE’
A lot has happened in the past few weeks. Not in terms of my workload increasing – I’m a housewife and truly our work is never done. No, it is more of a transition or transformation in myself. I can feel it evolving, emerging. The truth is I have never really been comfortable with myself….
HOW ART CAN HEAL THE SOUL
When I was 13 years old, living in South Africa, I had to do an art exam. The theme was to create a poster for a veld (pronounced “felt”) fire, commonly known in Australia as a bush fire. I sat at my easel frozen. My classmates stood around me, furiously slopping paint onto the page,…
HOW TO HELP THE DEPRESSED PERSON
I had a mental breakdown last week. It’s been a long time coming. For too long, I have been ignoring the fact that I just wasn’t dealing with the grief surrounding the death of my mom five years ago. Five months before her death I had become sober. I forced myself to pretend I was…
FIVE YEARS OF SOBRIETY
Hello! Today I celebrate five years of sobriety. Yep, this day, in 2010, was the first full day I had without any alcohol and I haven’t had a drink since. Since it is a pretty big milestone, I thought I would share what they call in AA my drinking story. By recognising and looking back…
DEPRESSION AND HOPE (or rather the lack of it)
It is with some trepidation that I write about my long term relationship with depression. Recently, I have been drawn to people who talk of happiness as a matter of attitude. People who have had their fair share of struggle, but have looked that struggle square in the face and said “Fuck you!” Their souls,…